The announcement came from Baltimore County Schools yesterday: Online distance learning to start the year. Likely to continue through the end of this calendar year, possibly longer.
My heart aches for my teacher friends who are separated from their students and classrooms and from doing what they love.
My heart aches for the children I know in BCPS schools - as we want nothing more than to give them some sense of normal and with a continuation of online learning, they will not have that at all.
We are 128 days into this mess - and there is no end in sight. While there is "hope" for my children to actually go back into the classroom this fall (yay, Catholic school), I'm truthfully conflicted regarding that reality. Is the classroom best given the circumstances? The world is crumbling around us and I'm going to send them off without acknowledging the pieces at my feet?
But then there is the matter of keeping them home. Is that best? Is that healthiest? Is it realistic for me to keep them in a bubble and far away from any threats?
128 days and I have more questions than answers.
128 days of learning that some people are reprehensible hemorrhoids (an asshole has a purpose and a function) who bring nothing to the communal table but hate and anger and intolerance and impatience.
128 days...and we are no closer to a solution.
I hope to God that I can look back at this time at laugh. Right now, there is no bubble of laughter that builds in my chest. Instead - it is a void and an ache with whispers of fear that bounce off of cavernous walls.
I have seen several memes about the importance of being positive. Letting children see you happy so that they will be happy with the circumstance. While I completely subscribe to that notion, there is an issue with that train of thought: this sucks. It sucks for them as much as it sucks for us.
128 days of faking it in the hopes of making it...how many more?
Wednesday, July 22, 2020
These 40 days...
We have completed 40 days of quarantine...something that I never believed I would see in my lifetime. Something I never even considered before - and I hope to never need to think about again!
No doubt, these past 40 days haven't been the easiest. I've had my share of meltdowns. I have shed my share of tears. I have sat in awe of this country's true heroes. (Really, the heroes of the world).
There have been days when time seemed to stand still. There have been days that rushed by so fast, we found ourselves wide awake and ready to live a full day...at 9:45pm.
We have no rules. We have no schedule. We stay up late and sleep in. We sometimes get dressed in the morning. But we also sometimes get dressed at 4 in the afternoon. It's ok! Quarantine rules are different than regular rules.
Here are some of the other things that I have learned or noticed during the past 40 days...
1. Rosie is morphing into my little best friend. We talk to each other - really talk - all of the time. She reminds me of me at 13 - and our relationship reminds me of my relationship with my own Mom. And it is amazing and beautiful and I want to grab it with both hands and never let go.
2. I will buy as many watermelons, strawberries and pineapples as Nick wants - as long as he keeps asking for "Foofies" everyday. (smoothies...he substitutes an F for any S-blends)
3. I have the laziest dog in the history of dogs. She plays for 10 minutes and needs a four hour nap. She puts herself in the crate to get away from us all.
4. 6 people use an obscene amount of toilet paper.
5. I really do drink too much soda...
6. I am OK being high maintenance.
7. I love sleeping in.
8. RJ hibernates in his room a lot less.
9. I love that Ange will say "are you mad with me" instead of "are you mad at me." I don't know why that's so important - but it feels very important.
10. I love that I can answer her honestly and say no - I'm not mad. (Even when she cuts HUGE clumps of hair off the CENTER FRONT of her head...)
11. We could eat tater tots for breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks. Every day.
12. Apparently, all of the Whitemarsh/Nottingham/Perry Hall area feels the same way because tater tots are hard to come by these days.
13. People can be real hemorrhoids. Assholes have a purpose and a function. Asshole is too nice of a term for some folks.
14. Watching Rosie and Nick makes me happy. I could watch them all day, every day. The adoration is mutual and beautiful.
15. Everyone needs a Rosie. She is magical. I'm not just saying that because I'm biased. She is a calming force in a storm and a voice of reason. She cuts tension with sarcasm and lightens the heaviness of life. Everyone needs someone like that in their life.
16. I'm never going to get sockpocolypse sorted out. I should throw them out and start over.
17. There is, however, hope for Glovegeddon
18. Beuke and I have reached an understanding and he is far less obnoxious now than he was 41 days ago. He spends large quantities of time outdoors and comes home to eat and sleep.
19. My hair color is crazy important to me. When it was faded out, I was self-conscious...even though I didn't see anyone but me.
20. I am truly my biggest critic.
21. Everyone loves a good meme.
22. Some people just don't have a sense of humor, no matter how silly you want to be.
23. "Foofie" means smoothie and "Poop-si-clay" means popsicles. Foofie is provided by the 3 year old. Poopsiclay is provided by the 13-year-old.
24. Silliness is always more fun than sadness. Choose silly whenever possible.
25. Nick likes McGee and Abby from NCIS. He is unsure of Gibbs.
26. We watch a crap ton of NCIS
27. I am going to need to rewatch NCIS because I have the attention span of a gnat and have barely paid attention to at least 2 of the 4 seasons we have watched.
30. I dodged the bullet of being a teacher. I lack the patience to help children with their education. The thought that I actually tried going to school for that and was more than halfway to my degree makes my heart race a little. Cause I hate this.
31. I've always know that teachers were underpaid and under appreciated. I am shocked and appalled by the number of people who are angry and annoyed with teachers right now. This isn't part of any training. No one is equipped for this.
32. Humans truly aren't meant to be isolated.
33. Humans aren't meant to be "on" all of the time either. I am looking forward to that day when Rich goes back to work and the kids go back to school and I sit in complete silence - just me and my laptop.
34. Rich thinks that he will be the last man standing. I say he will be the first man buried in the backyard under my beautiful new patio.
35. When you want tater tots and don't have tater tots, nothing but tater tots will do.
36. Threenagers have really low tolerance levels for change and really, really shitty coping skills.
37. Almost six weeks of exposure to threenager tantrums makes you immune. You barely notice.
38. You CAN see people smile under their masks. And people can see you smile. If you really want to make sure your greeting is felt - from 6' away - nodding helps.
39. Those little OMG Facebook games are silly and fun...and have made predictions for my hair color, career, next vacation and 2021 plans. I saved them all - predictions.
40. People seem to think complaining is a bad thing. Complaining can really just be a method of venting and commiserating over what is a (hopefully) unique and stressful time.
No doubt, these past 40 days haven't been the easiest. I've had my share of meltdowns. I have shed my share of tears. I have sat in awe of this country's true heroes. (Really, the heroes of the world).
There have been days when time seemed to stand still. There have been days that rushed by so fast, we found ourselves wide awake and ready to live a full day...at 9:45pm.
We have no rules. We have no schedule. We stay up late and sleep in. We sometimes get dressed in the morning. But we also sometimes get dressed at 4 in the afternoon. It's ok! Quarantine rules are different than regular rules.
Here are some of the other things that I have learned or noticed during the past 40 days...
1. Rosie is morphing into my little best friend. We talk to each other - really talk - all of the time. She reminds me of me at 13 - and our relationship reminds me of my relationship with my own Mom. And it is amazing and beautiful and I want to grab it with both hands and never let go.
2. I will buy as many watermelons, strawberries and pineapples as Nick wants - as long as he keeps asking for "Foofies" everyday. (smoothies...he substitutes an F for any S-blends)
3. I have the laziest dog in the history of dogs. She plays for 10 minutes and needs a four hour nap. She puts herself in the crate to get away from us all.
4. 6 people use an obscene amount of toilet paper.
5. I really do drink too much soda...
6. I am OK being high maintenance.
7. I love sleeping in.
8. RJ hibernates in his room a lot less.
9. I love that Ange will say "are you mad with me" instead of "are you mad at me." I don't know why that's so important - but it feels very important.
10. I love that I can answer her honestly and say no - I'm not mad. (Even when she cuts HUGE clumps of hair off the CENTER FRONT of her head...)
11. We could eat tater tots for breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks. Every day.
12. Apparently, all of the Whitemarsh/Nottingham/Perry Hall area feels the same way because tater tots are hard to come by these days.
13. People can be real hemorrhoids. Assholes have a purpose and a function. Asshole is too nice of a term for some folks.
14. Watching Rosie and Nick makes me happy. I could watch them all day, every day. The adoration is mutual and beautiful.
15. Everyone needs a Rosie. She is magical. I'm not just saying that because I'm biased. She is a calming force in a storm and a voice of reason. She cuts tension with sarcasm and lightens the heaviness of life. Everyone needs someone like that in their life.
16. I'm never going to get sockpocolypse sorted out. I should throw them out and start over.
17. There is, however, hope for Glovegeddon
18. Beuke and I have reached an understanding and he is far less obnoxious now than he was 41 days ago. He spends large quantities of time outdoors and comes home to eat and sleep.
19. My hair color is crazy important to me. When it was faded out, I was self-conscious...even though I didn't see anyone but me.
20. I am truly my biggest critic.
21. Everyone loves a good meme.
22. Some people just don't have a sense of humor, no matter how silly you want to be.
23. "Foofie" means smoothie and "Poop-si-clay" means popsicles. Foofie is provided by the 3 year old. Poopsiclay is provided by the 13-year-old.
24. Silliness is always more fun than sadness. Choose silly whenever possible.
25. Nick likes McGee and Abby from NCIS. He is unsure of Gibbs.
26. We watch a crap ton of NCIS
27. I am going to need to rewatch NCIS because I have the attention span of a gnat and have barely paid attention to at least 2 of the 4 seasons we have watched.
30. I dodged the bullet of being a teacher. I lack the patience to help children with their education. The thought that I actually tried going to school for that and was more than halfway to my degree makes my heart race a little. Cause I hate this.
31. I've always know that teachers were underpaid and under appreciated. I am shocked and appalled by the number of people who are angry and annoyed with teachers right now. This isn't part of any training. No one is equipped for this.
32. Humans truly aren't meant to be isolated.
33. Humans aren't meant to be "on" all of the time either. I am looking forward to that day when Rich goes back to work and the kids go back to school and I sit in complete silence - just me and my laptop.
34. Rich thinks that he will be the last man standing. I say he will be the first man buried in the backyard under my beautiful new patio.
35. When you want tater tots and don't have tater tots, nothing but tater tots will do.
36. Threenagers have really low tolerance levels for change and really, really shitty coping skills.
37. Almost six weeks of exposure to threenager tantrums makes you immune. You barely notice.
38. You CAN see people smile under their masks. And people can see you smile. If you really want to make sure your greeting is felt - from 6' away - nodding helps.
39. Those little OMG Facebook games are silly and fun...and have made predictions for my hair color, career, next vacation and 2021 plans. I saved them all - predictions.
40. People seem to think complaining is a bad thing. Complaining can really just be a method of venting and commiserating over what is a (hopefully) unique and stressful time.
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