I am not a social distancing kind of person. I'm a hugger-on-our-first-meeting kind of person. I am a "let's pile as many people into this room as we can and laugh as loud as possible" kind of person. My kids? They also suck at social distancing.
Saturday morning, I woke up feeling very on edge. I had difficulty falling asleep...I've made a fairly successful transition to working nights and sleeping mornings, but when there isn't work to do, my brain still wants to stay up. By 2pm, I was ready to string a child up by her toenails and just needed to get out of the house.
I announced to Rich that I was leaving - and I loaded up my car with Pete's tools and LuLaRoe deliveries in the hopes of getting some peace and quiet and social distance from my favorite people. Of course, my car wouldn't start. (Apparently 3 days of inactivity was too much for her...). So in I went...grabbed Rich's keys, moved everything over and took off. It only took me a few minutes to set up my music and it wasn't long before I was cruising down the road, singing along and starting to unwind.
It was just a few minutes into my journey that I was faced with a dilemma...what should I do when I actually get to the door for these deliveries? Leave it in the mailbox? Knock on the door and run? Text ahead? Would I maintain social distance? 6' between me and the person I wanted to hug?
Door #1: Kelly and I stayed 6' apart...with the exception of when I handed her the LLR bag with her new dress. It was awkward to not hug her hello - but we both handled it, joked about it and then I went on my way. There was no inviting me in - but the invitation wasn't expected.
Door #2: A more difficult visit... more awkward. This time, I was pulling up to someone who is like family. A family with whom hugs are standard...not just at hello and goodbye, but at varying moments in between. I unloaded the car into the open and waiting garage. "Did you disinfect this already?" Maybe... but I won't be insulted if it is disinfected again! There was a recently disinfected seat set up for me in the corner of Pete's garage. He invited me to stay...and I politely declined, saying I needed to get home. We chatted for another minute and he offered me a seat again...I again politely declined...but as I gave another logical reason for my departure, I realized that Pete had been locked in his house for two weeks too...and was probably craving interaction as much as I had been.
So I sat. I sat in a chair - a good 10' away. And we chatted. Just chatted and chatted and chatted. About nothing. About Trump. About his general botching of this whole situation. It felt SO good to just relax and chat with my friend...as much as I knew I needed to get home, needed to get to my next stop...I just didn't want to leave. Eventually, after maybe the best 20 minutes I had in a while, I stood at the edge of the garage and wrapped my arms around my own shoulders in a gesture of a hug to send his way. It felt so strange not to hug my friend.
But I moved on to Door #3: where Liz met me outside and I stayed in my car and she stayed outside my car...I handed her the bag of LuLa Goodies...and she stuck my crock pots in the back seat. And again - we didn't hug...didn't exchange anything more than a few words and saddened glances - but just as quickly as I got there, I was backing down the driveway to get to Door #4.
Door #4 was Katie. Katie met me at the front door and gave me the option to come in, which I declined - even though I wanted nothing more than to sit on her couch for an hour and just chat about our children and what we missed about our normal lives. Instead, we stood on her side porch, sheltered from the chilly mist that rained on us. I stood by the door to the outside - she stood by the door to the inside. I was there for two little nightstands. Or at least that was my excuse for being there. But in actuality, I was there to see my friend and spend time with her - a person that I see often in "normal" life.
After leaving Door #4, I made my way home, with a brief stop at 7-eleven. I boldly walked in with my two 50 ounce cups, ready to present my argument over how my reusable cups, fresh from my dishwasher and recently cleaned and sterilized, were less of a risk to me and everyone around me than the "fresh" cups at the soda fountain that were able to be touched by many people, other than me. Of course, since my argument was ready, no one questioned my cups and I marched through Door #5, straight to my beloved caffeine dispensing machine and filled both of those cups as I read the sign about no reusable cups...
As I paid, my buddy behind the checkout was more chatty than normal. I stayed for a minute, indulging his conversation, fighting the panic within me that just wanted to be back in the safe air of my car. Once I was safely back in my car, I had a moment to reflect on my afternoon and my "errands." They all answered a craving: normalcy.
I find myself in a weird funk - a depression of sorts without being like any depression I have known before. I attacked this time at home with verve and enthusiasm - a want and need to do as much as possible and make the most of this time in the house.
I find myself looking for that energy - longing for the person who felt hopeful and full of that enthusiasm from two weeks ago. The person I see has a sadness in her soul. She is resigned and lacking the hope required to make it through this time. She smiles and is peaceful but is missing the intense enjoyment that the living of life brings.
This time is unlike any other we have ever known - and hopefully unlike anything our future will bring. Safety and the need to socially distance is critical - but humans are not meant to be alone. We need each other. We need to balance our physical well-being with our emotional and mental health.
Saturday, March 28, 2020
COVID-19: Day 12
Today was a bit of a rough day for me. I have been extremely productive for most of the first two weeks of this forced staycation...but today was a rough one.
It was day 3 of my "working overnight" plan - and it was the easiest night so far. I was super productive and I barrelled through loads of work. I went to bed with a smile on my face and slept hard for about 5 hours. From 9am-11, it was a series of wake up, fall asleep, wake up, fall asleep. Couldn't get comfortable. Couldn't fall back to sleep. I finally gave in, got up and took a shower. Which, by the way, felt amazing.
I'm not sure if it was the lack of sleep or this persistent, dull sinus headache that I'm sure is seasonally-induced...but making the kids lunch took all of the energy I had. Not long after lunch, I found myself back in bed and napping the afternoon away. I slept until 5:30 - and I am sitting here, just 6 hours later, so exhausted, I can barely keep my eyes open.
So Mama had an off day. Guess what that means? Kids had an off day too!
I got up at 5:30, made dinner, did dishes, did some laundry...sent the kids outside to play for a little bit (played with chalk...and Rosie colored Angelina's face completely blue...) and then got ready to help Ange with her homework. I have been saying since before she could walk that parenting Ange is a full time job. Never has that job consumed so much of me than it does during this coronacation. We don't have a set schedule for her - and that doesn't help. Her work, which I know isn't difficult for her, takes her far longer than it would if she was in the classroom with her teacher and peers.
Tonight's work for Ange didn't take as long as normal though...a fact for which I was
thankful. Especially since a casual question during dinner exposed that RJ hadn't started any of his!
Fast forward to 10pm...RJ was STILL working on his work. Why? Because my charming and adorable little asshat spent the entire afternoon chatting up the ladies from school. I learned yesterday that the little girls in fifth grade are quite enamored with my boy. They all talk about him nonstop, per one of their moms. So earlier today, I gave RJ messenger for kids so that he could connect with his assorted girlfriends from school...and he connected for HOURS today.
His social needs took over his day, so at 8:30, when we should have been playing Rummy 500 and watching Harry Potter, we were sitting at the island, working on his fifth grade ELA assignment. It's a shame, really - because No-Nap Nicky conked the heck out a little after 8...and he is usually particularly deft at destroying card games.
Given that I am in charge of most academic things around here, it was particularly amusing for me to watch Rich try and work with him on what should have been an easy assignment. Not for Captain Procrastination! Despite turning off all distraction and sitting right next to him to keep in on task, the boy struggled with some basics - like "end of sentence punctuation." it was making Rich completely nuts.
Since I had entrusted him to stay on top of his own work and this was proving to be a mistake, I took a moment to review his google classroom to make sure he had submitted everything for the week. It was a good thing I did! Clearly, my lesson has been learned and the boy is not to be trusted with his own time management. We were clearly in for the long haul with him and suggested to Angelina and Rosie that they head up to bed.
I took a fun “what does your name say about you” quiz which was largely accurate..and answered a fun Facebook post asking you to compare a picture of you from when you were little to now. I like to think I haven't changed much. The original poster on FB thought Rosie looked like me from this picture. I showed Ro - and she said she saw it too. There's a first time for everything! Fun on Facebook. So. You know. Totally productive. Whatever. I’m allowed an off day!
I think this whole social distancing thing is getting to me a bit. It's hard to always be chipped. It's hard to not constantly think about the things we are going to miss. I miss cheer. A lot. I miss my cheer babies. We should have had our second competition last weekend and be working on getting ready for our third. I miss dance. I miss the rigormorall of our day-to-day lives. I even miss making lunches.
I am trying as hard as I can to focus on the positive and just enjoy being with my children. My kids are totally amazing - but I do miss my friends. When we get out of here, and hugging is ok again, I'm just going to hug as many people as I can.
But, for now, I'm just going to enjoy this time as much as possible. For right now - that means not stressing about all of the things that I *need* to do and instead spending time recording my feelings while my Rosalicious practices her french braiding technique. (Which turned out to be dutch braiding...but I think her first and second attempt went super well!)
It was day 3 of my "working overnight" plan - and it was the easiest night so far. I was super productive and I barrelled through loads of work. I went to bed with a smile on my face and slept hard for about 5 hours. From 9am-11, it was a series of wake up, fall asleep, wake up, fall asleep. Couldn't get comfortable. Couldn't fall back to sleep. I finally gave in, got up and took a shower. Which, by the way, felt amazing.
I'm not sure if it was the lack of sleep or this persistent, dull sinus headache that I'm sure is seasonally-induced...but making the kids lunch took all of the energy I had. Not long after lunch, I found myself back in bed and napping the afternoon away. I slept until 5:30 - and I am sitting here, just 6 hours later, so exhausted, I can barely keep my eyes open.
I got up at 5:30, made dinner, did dishes, did some laundry...sent the kids outside to play for a little bit (played with chalk...and Rosie colored Angelina's face completely blue...) and then got ready to help Ange with her homework. I have been saying since before she could walk that parenting Ange is a full time job. Never has that job consumed so much of me than it does during this coronacation. We don't have a set schedule for her - and that doesn't help. Her work, which I know isn't difficult for her, takes her far longer than it would if she was in the classroom with her teacher and peers.
Tonight's work for Ange didn't take as long as normal though...a fact for which I was
Fast forward to 10pm...RJ was STILL working on his work. Why? Because my charming and adorable little asshat spent the entire afternoon chatting up the ladies from school. I learned yesterday that the little girls in fifth grade are quite enamored with my boy. They all talk about him nonstop, per one of their moms. So earlier today, I gave RJ messenger for kids so that he could connect with his assorted girlfriends from school...and he connected for HOURS today.
His social needs took over his day, so at 8:30, when we should have been playing Rummy 500 and watching Harry Potter, we were sitting at the island, working on his fifth grade ELA assignment. It's a shame, really - because No-Nap Nicky conked the heck out a little after 8...and he is usually particularly deft at destroying card games.
Since I had entrusted him to stay on top of his own work and this was proving to be a mistake, I took a moment to review his google classroom to make sure he had submitted everything for the week. It was a good thing I did! Clearly, my lesson has been learned and the boy is not to be trusted with his own time management. We were clearly in for the long haul with him and suggested to Angelina and Rosie that they head up to bed.
A: how am I going to sleep with no device?
Rich: like most of the free world does. Like every kid in Ethiopia does.
Is this the new “there are starving children in Africa, so eat all your food?” Since we don't do a "clean plate" club in 2020, we need to find a new comparison.
Needless to say, I started snort laughing and couldn’t get my shit under control. Which caused Sir Stallings to stop watching his f*cking video and throw some commentary my way...
Me: watch your video.
Rich: like the Ethiopians can't
Rosie: is Ethiopia really a place?
Done. Just done. Rich is throwing all blunt objects in Rosie’s general direction and I am searching the internet for some sort of educational tool to teach my ding dong about the continent of Africa and its countries.
Aside from this general tomfoolery, I did loads of laundry. Loads and loads and loads of laundry. I showered today - and took the time to blow dry my hair. I even got dressed! I am a little ashamed to admit that today's shower *might* have been the first of the week...this whole thing is definitely taking a toll on our household hygiene habits. I have been operating out of my PJs and sweatpants - jumping out of bed to start the day at noon...climbing back into bed to work at 10pm...with nonstop activity in between. The shower felt amazing. I am going to make more of an effort to take care of myself on a more regular basis. My practices in self-care were the first to go!
I took a fun “what does your name say about you” quiz which was largely accurate..and answered a fun Facebook post asking you to compare a picture of you from when you were little to now. I like to think I haven't changed much. The original poster on FB thought Rosie looked like me from this picture. I showed Ro - and she said she saw it too. There's a first time for everything! Fun on Facebook. So. You know. Totally productive. Whatever. I’m allowed an off day!
Also - Using the last square of toilet paper made me laugh. Uncontrollably. Like - laughed until I peed. Fortunately, I was in a good seat for that to happen!
I think this whole social distancing thing is getting to me a bit. It's hard to always be chipped. It's hard to not constantly think about the things we are going to miss. I miss cheer. A lot. I miss my cheer babies. We should have had our second competition last weekend and be working on getting ready for our third. I miss dance. I miss the rigormorall of our day-to-day lives. I even miss making lunches.
I am trying as hard as I can to focus on the positive and just enjoy being with my children. My kids are totally amazing - but I do miss my friends. When we get out of here, and hugging is ok again, I'm just going to hug as many people as I can.
But, for now, I'm just going to enjoy this time as much as possible. For right now - that means not stressing about all of the things that I *need* to do and instead spending time recording my feelings while my Rosalicious practices her french braiding technique. (Which turned out to be dutch braiding...but I think her first and second attempt went super well!)
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