Karma Chameleon

Karma Chameleon
AKA the rants of one hormonal pregnant lady
June 25, 2008

We have all heard the saying “Karma is a bitch.” I supposed, given the theory of “you reap what you sow” – karma can be a very nasty thing for some people. I decided today that I am one of the fortunate ones who can be a big fan of karma – and it took a lot of negativity being thrown my way to realize just how lucky and privileged I am.

I have a wonderful, amazing husband who is truly my partner in every sense of the word. In my darkest hours, he has been my light. He is such a good man – I have actually witnessed him take the shirt off of his back to wipe puke off of someone’s face. (Seriously. I think it may have even happened more than once). Although I don’t believe in Prince Charming or “Happily Ever After” – Rich is completely my dream come true. I never wanted to be treated like a “princess” or spoiled. I just wanted love. What I have is a love so sincere and so deep that my heart swells every time I think of him. There are nights that I tear up looking at him while he sleeps - I tear up thinking of that day back in 1998 when I met him and just knew that we were meant to be together. I didn’t even know his name – but something in my heart pulled me to him and I haven’t let go ever since.

I have incredible friends – who listen to me whether I need to complain, cry, whine or rejoice. They are there to help me problem solve why Rosie isn’t sleeping at night – or what I might do to help alleviate some of my pregnancy-induced lower back pain. They listen to me talk about my classes – and whether they are interested or not – they pretend to be because I am interested. And – most importantly – they are there to try and take the pain away that life sometimes causes. Even when they can’t – they try their damnedest. I have some close friends that I have known for nearly half my life…some my entire adult life…one who has completely helped to shape me into the person I am today. One who I have only known for a few years…but I really can’t remember life without her! This circle of friends, which has always consisted of very few females at its core, has grown into a wonderful globe of women from all walks of life who are connected to me. We have some similar likes…similar dislikes…but I know that I can truly count on any of them whenever I am in need.

I have an amazing family. I grew up so very loved – I can only hope that I replicate that feeling of love and warmth to Rosie (and Baby “Zoe”). Although I heard the work “no” plenty (because 17-year-olds shouldn’t own cars, right Dad?), I never wanted for love, affection and attention. My entire family – Mom, Dad, Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, Brother – everyone came out for everything I did. From dance recitals to my final performance as the star in Spring Theatre at Notre Dame – I had more support than I knew what to do with!

As I have gotten older, my family has grown. Not just my own little family of two becoming a family of three and soon to be four – but my FAMILY. I have in-laws that I can talk to – that I can relate to and that I enjoy being around. I have friends who see their in-laws twice a year. I can’t even image that – and nor do I want to!

And let’s not forget the most amazing piece of Karma – Rosie. Even as I type this I look at the video monitor and the image of her in her crib. She is proof that there is good in this world. She is proof that I have done good in this world. She is my reward. When I think about the times that I thought my heart would break under the strain of reality, those lows seem so insignificant compared to the high I get every day from being Rosie’s mommy.

I found out earlier today that someone very near and dear to my heart was given a clean bill of health. After 6 weeks of life-stealing illness and the threat of lymphoma, she has been released by her oncologist who is thrilled with her progress and no longer feels the need to see her. Now that is some good Karma!

Karma doesn’t really work for everyone. I know too many people who have had more than their fair share of suffering for very little reward. And I have known a few people whose actions were so despicable that they good that went their way seemed thoroughly unjust. And don’t get me wrong – Karma has bit me in the ass a few times (remember that broken ankle? That was totally bad Karma coming back to get me!)

I have learned that sometimes you need to give yourself a good, long look in the mirror and be honest with the kind of person you are – and the kind of person you want to be when you grow up. This life is too short to live with a heavy heart.

I know that I am truly blessed. I look around me and I have happiness everywhere. Some of it I have created for myself – some of it landed in my lap. Yes, in my case, Karma is a lady worth knowing.